Women will have many different reasons for picking someone as their maid of honor. Most women see it as the selection of someone who they intend to let the world know is their best friend in the entire world. However, that’s not what the maid of honor is really supposed to be. It’s nice when it happens, but the reality of it all is that the maid of honor is supposed to be the trusted advisor and confidante, the one who keeps the bride calm and on pace and under control when needed.

In other words, the maid of honor is more like the favorite aunt. She’s not Mom because mother’s can get on your nerves and make you want to do things just because they don’t want you to do them, and vice versa. They’re not supposed to necessarily be your best friend because you don’t want someone who agrees with everything you say just because that’s what friends do. No, your favorite aunt is always in your corner, will tell you what they think because they love you, yet realize they don’t really have a full stake in everything that’s going on, and is never afraid to tell you when you’re off base. The perfect role model, most of the time.

And what a job the maid of honor has. Because potential grooms aren’t always in the mood to participate in all the planning aspects of the wedding (and because many brides don’t want them to be), the maid of honor has to be willing to take time to go around with the bride to help take care of those things. The maid of honor will go with the bride to look at reception halls. The maid of honor will help make the plans for hair and nails and any other things that need to be taken care of on the day of the wedding. The maid of honor is the one who will be there when the bride tries on the dress. The maid of honor will be there to help with the decorations and gifts. And the maid of honor will be the one the bride can confide in, whose shoulder can be cried on, who will not be afraid to tell the bride that maybe this isn’t the best use of money or time, and, hopefully, tell the bride when she’s lost total control of herself.

This is a big job. The bride knows she’s going to need help, and she doesn’t need to deal with personalities. So, she needs to be ready to pick someone strong and helpful, whose voice she trusts. And, if she has lots of close friends, picking someone who’s not in the group will protect the feelings of everyone else; let them be in the wedding party. One last thing, try not to pick someone for such an important role if they don’t live in your town.